me when i finally get a girlfriend.
I hope your girlfriend looks more thrilled than that, mate
(Source: ForGIFs.com, via where-cool-comes-to-die)
THIS IS A SIGN FROM GOD
LEGALIZE GAY MARRIAGE
(Source: lilwildspark, via perksofbeingfunny)
LIFE HACK
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
fuck
(via oli-twist)
sometimes i only shave one leg so i lie down it feels like i’m laying next to a man
this is the saddest thing ive ever seen on the internet
(via zackwhorris)
A Dramatic Reading of Sandra Hill’s “Rough and Ready”
I’M BRINGING THIS BACK BECAUSE I REDISCOVERED IT EARLIER AND I ALMOST HAD AN ANEURYSM FROM LAUGHING SO HARD
IF YOU CAN ONLY HEAR ONE THING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE LISTEN TO THIS
(Source: sell-out-my-funeral, via jakemalik)
me and my dog almost starved
so you’re saying I can win 5 iphones every day??? and all I have to do is give my credit card number on this website I’ve never heard about??? well slam me in my tender butthole sir you’ve just got yourself a deal
Slam me in my tender butthole
I think I’ve just found my new favorite phrase.
(via nickxactly)
There once was a young boy with a very bad temper. The boy’s father wanted to teach him a lesson, so he gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper he must hammer a nail into their wooden fence.
On the first day of this lesson, the little boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. He was really mad!
Over the course of the next few weeks, the little boy began to control his temper, so the number of nails that were hammered into the fence dramatically decreased.
It wasn’t long before the little boy discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Then, the day finally came when the little boy didn’t lose his temper even once, and he became so proud of himself, he couldn’t wait to tell his father.
Pleased, his father suggested that he now pull out one nail for each day that he could hold his temper.
Several weeks went by and the day finally came when the young boy was able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
Very gently, the father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
“You have done very well, my son,” he smiled, “but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.”
The little boy listened carefully as his father continued to speak.
“When you say things in anger, they leave permanent scars just like these. And no matter how many times you say you’re sorry, the wounds will still be there.”
(via nickxactly)
how to give a good handjob
- bop it
- pull it
- twist it
- harder
- better
- faster
- stronger
You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!Cha cha real smooth
(via jakemalik)
dancingchimes-on-a-sunlit-porch:
OMG REBLOG THIS & LOOK AT UR BLOG ITS COMPLETELY DIFERENT
Me
iM CHIR YING BC THE WAY IT LOOKS ON YOUR BLOG SEND HELP
oh my
i dunt see it
EDIT***:
WHATTHE HELL.
…You had my curiosity…
[After]
WHAT THE JESUS FUCK IS THIS VOODOO?!
(I’ll try it
edit
WHAT)
how did you
WHAT
im so confused what is
wait oh
[after]
WTF!?!?!?!?!?! Someone get the fucking salt!Oh my god
how what why skjfhsdkfjh whoaushfkjf
(Source: jesscookie, via libbylumos)
